Wednesday, July 23, 2014

3am Post

If you were me, you'd be gearing up to take over the world by amassing books and media to occupy your days obsessing and then at 7pm doze off and surrender to the dark dark path of deep slumber. There's just something about an old commentators voice that just lulls you to oblivion. At 1:00am your eyes open and you worry about unexplainable things that you caught from your dream. You wake up scouer your thoughts for any real threat, you check your phone, tinker with your iPad and boom, you can never go back to sleep. 

Wednesday, May 21, 2014

different

for a day for a while when things are not what they seem
for a day for a while when all i need is space
for a day for a while something else appears
in a bright moonlit night where twists turn into flat perfect sunshines
i contradict myself
i run amok
i run
i run away only to circle back and look at fate straight in the eyes
to embrace my dichotomy of emotions
my longings and shortcomings
my wild preoccupations
only to find stillness in one person's gaze
one person's deep and thorough calculations 
of my weird petrified self
i stopped
i stared back and saw an abyss
i saw my own death
a dark bottomless pit
where we all freefall never to come back as the same person
i am changed
i am changed

Saturday, April 19, 2014

soaring flying winning

i guess we learn our lessons the hard way... but im okay...trying...

Saturday, March 29, 2014

My Cage

There's a kind of love that you can never explain, the kind you can never use logic and reason for. The kind that stings but gives so much joy. The kind that makes you feel trapped and yet free you can almost fly towards the heavens. It's a kind that can kill but it pumps you up with so much energy, so much passion and desire. It's a kind that would makes you stir and gets you off your wits and yet it keeps you still ever focused and determined to achieve your goals and aspirations. It's a kind you would go mad for and the kind that makes you hope for tomorrow... What a joy to meet a person that intoduced me to my death and rebirth at the same time while inconspicously affecting me to my inner core. You who never opened to me ever, you who never shown me compassion and yet I yearn for you like a long lost lover... I'm doomed and yet I'm overjoyed...

Friday, February 21, 2014

void

i have changed..i dunno if its in a good way or bad...i decided i was not gonna cry for u anymore and i hadn't cried since but this afternoon i failed that promise, not because i cried over u but because i can no longer cry for u..i feel sick... i lost my innocence... i have changed. i'm no longer the doe eyed girl, ever earnest, ever hopeful... i dnt know what love is anymore and if its ever gonna happen to me..i will be forever aimlessly wandering in oblivion trying to stay occupied so i dont need to feel the vastness of my proverbial void...

Monday, January 27, 2014

no title

I was perfectly fine before you came. I go about my day just like an ordinary human being. I have a few blues in between but I was well. I'm in a perpetual state of calm just waiting for the next distraction. And then you did came. You were difficult, you were not perfect but I was surprisingly swooped. I didn't like you at first but you just grew on me and I got used to being occupied with your presence...

Wednesday, December 25, 2013

First Hour

If there's one thing that surprises me it's a man's capacity to love unconditionally, blindly and in somewhat martyrlike masochistic out of this world proportions kind of love... It's 12:30am, the first hour of Christmas morning and I wait for a single text to make the christmas morning of christmas mornings. Yes a single reply to my how was your christmas party with your boss shall make my ultimate christmas morning. I sit here wondering what made me a dog of a girlfriend. Actually not a girlfriend at all judging from how this man left me to celebrate christmas with my friends. I sat awkwardly on the Christmas table struggling to explain how I ended up dating a schmuck and how I can't quite explain even with my rebuttle skills how my complicated relationship turn out to be more complicated on the account that he could not even spend time with me on christmas eve. I had to recount how my car brokedown and he was not there; how I moved houses and he was not there either and he was never there on any of my crucial life events...The sad truth is I can complain all night but nothing could change the fact that I'm still an eager girlfriend demanding his time and awaiting his appearance no matter how scarce... The sad truth is that yes I'm in love with this guy and it's sick and maddening that he does not feel the same way for me... And so this is the fate of a scorned woman on the first hour of christmas day....